Cows Is W3IRD

The RSPCA are coming after you JOE A!!!!



weeeeiirirrdddddd eatin' ur catz

How to be British

Taken from Fully Rambolic
HOW TO BE BRITISH

So there I was, minding my own business, idly flicking raisins at a ceiling fan and watching them ricochet with lethal speed in random directions, when I received a mysterious e-mail from a mysterious stranger:

"Dear Mr. Yahtzee,I sadly, did not have the extreme fortune to be born and raised in the U.K. I... I am an American. A fact I am not proud of. As a result, in the future, when I have the funds and the ability to leave the country I plan on doing so, and living either in England or Ireland. Hopefully the former.

So, I was wondering if perhaps you could help out by writing an essay on your lovely website titled "How To Be British" or something to that effect. In this essay, as the title implies, you would explain not only how wonderful it is to be from your native country, but also explain to us slow and dim-witted Americans how to be a proper English gentlemen or lady.

Thank you very much for even taking the time to read through this email, and thank you even more so if you are considering to grant my request. You're my hero Yahtzee.

Sincerely,

Amanda"

And since I didn't have anything better to do, I figured, what the fuck. Let's write the poor dear an article for the benefit of her and any other poor saps who for some reason think this country's a better place to live than wherever they are now. Unless they're from Antarctica or something, but at least Antarctica isn't run by grinning bastards demanding more income tax to spend on large pointless marquees.

Anyway, here we go: my guide for clueless immigrants on how to become British.

Step 1. Looking the part



The national dress of Great Britain is, from the ground up, a pair of Roman sandals, a kilt, a gunbelt, a t-shirt bearing the likeness of Mr. T, a garland of flowers and a horned Viking helmet. It is advised that you arrive in the country dressed in this manner, as any other outfit may cause you to be ostracised and lynched. Once you have been in Britain for a little while, you may be permitted to remove the helmet and/or the garland when out in public, but you'll only be able to wear something completely different after you've been in the country for twelve years, or have embarked upon a de facto/married relationship with a British citizen for eight years.

Once you've reached that stage, you still have to be very careful what you wear. Like in the film 'Logan's Run', what you wear dictates your status. There are many different signals different articles of clothing can give off in Britain. For instance, people who are fond of detective dramas wear black shoes with grey socks, and people who enjoy listening to Soft Cell's 'Tainted Love' wear their collars two centimetres below the hairline. This is not to be confused with wearing your collar 1.8 centimetres below the hairline, as this means "I enjoy sudden, unexpected homosexual rape; come and get it, boys."

If you're unfamiliar with the right codes and worried about creating the wrong impression, then try to only go out in public on days beginning with T, as these are days when public nudity is legal and, indeed, keenly encouraged.

Step 2. Mastering the language

As you should know from the depiction of British people in American films and television, all British people speak Cockney rhyming slang at all times. This has gradually developed from idle inanity to full-blown language, and may seem slightly intimidating to the newly-arrived traveller. To help you get by, here are some all-purpose phrases:

"Please direct me to the station"
"I enjoy frenzied masturbation"

"I would like to order the chicken chausseur"
"You are an incredible tosser"

"Good evening, officer, do you have the time?"
"Why don't you piss off, you mound of execrable slime? I bet you don't even know how to use that truncheon. Come on, let's have a fight, you pansy."

"The government is doing a fine job."
[Not applicable; you will never say this]

Step 3. Understanding local customs

- "Twilight" is the Word of the Millenium. Whenever anyone says that word, it is customary to yell like a foghorn and punch that person in the face. (the previous Word of the Millenium was "Haughty".)

- The Queen is universally despised. Going around with a sandwich board bearing a Photoshopped picture of her violent rape and murder will help you gain acceptance.

- When watching a football game in a public house with many hooting skinheads, it is an ancient British custom to change the channel just before a goal is scored. Do this to show off your impressive knowledge of the country. You will quickly gain many new friends.

Step 4. Some sights to see in Britain

Big Ben and the Houses of Parliament

Possibly one of the most famous icons of Britain. MPs are notorious for their excellent sense of humour; why not pretend to be a suicide bomber and take them all hostage with imitation machine guns? They'll have nothing but appreciation for your excellent joke!

Buckingham Palace

Why not stop off for a visit to the Queen's London residence? It's a little known fact that if you can knock off the furry hats of three Buckingham Palace guards, you win a coconut.

The Millenium Dome

It's all been closed down now, but you can still visit the wreckage and think to yourself, like so many have thought before you, "Why the fuck did they charge an entrance fee for this thing when they built it with taxpayer's money? Have they no shame?" No. No, they do not.

1 Million!

I reached 1,000,000 points!!! Yay, Geometry Wars is super snazzy. This footage was taken from the PC version on XP, and funny enough...I have the XBOX 360 version, but I can't even get past the 500,000 mark. Oh well, and this one even has lag.

Halloween TOT'ing

Today its trick or treat day, aka Halloween, and have a death filled murder devil day of a day, remember, a good devil is never good...what.

Anyway's I have this 'Web 2.0' video blog post thingy here where I tell everyone how many sweets I have, and what I T.O.T'ed about.

Transisco's 1 Year Old!!!

Today, on the 30th October, Transisco turned 1 year old.
Lot's of stuff happened over that one year, and also funny it is also OMR's birthday as well, as it started on the same day too!

So to get you in a party mood, here is some FREE music you can download on me...

Yayyy, so remember to check out all the new Transisco videos, and most of all, all of the old ones too. Also surprisingly out of the blue, Farting Contest has got a tonne of views in the past month, from like 8,000 to around 15,000.

Anyway, have fun, and also another shout out to Microsoft, SkyDrive is really good, thanks.
Oh, and check out the drive too.

OMRp 23

Episode 23: Halloween Special

Martin Mills and John Harding ask random people questions in the land of Gloucestershire. And Cows is here as well.

Subscribe Via:

Show More Subscription Options

IlInk

Me and Chris found this thing in Worthing town that records videos and sends them to you, I thought we would try it out...

No Cussing

Now, what do you think you happen to a world with no swearing, well a kid from an American school decided this, and so what he's done is made this (...fun??...) club called the no cussing club, where you join, you don't swear of tell rude jokes and so on.

Now I'm not really stating the normal, but if you did a little survey, if your at school, and let's say...started a club about not swearing, and if you don't join you 'don't hang with us, yo'

No...you would be eaten alive.

http://nocussing.com/

More on this later on.

Olly Ray + Arse = AGGHHH

YouTube Player Thing

Bebo

So being all hip and 'with it' as I am, I decided to re-join Bebo, the populer networking site that has praised it's self for being cooler and snazzier than MySpace... Tom is not my friend...


And so I now have one of these Bebo badge things, check it out and add me as a friend.

Olly Newporthttp://Olly-Newport.bebo.com/

Randomly Codes are Aphs*it

Now whenever you sign up for things now, seeing as it's all 'web 2.0' you need to enter a code into a box of randomly renerated numbers and letters. Now this seems to be the norm. now, it's on websites letting you sign up, and it's on forums and it's about every single bloody thing ever on the interweb.

So when I was signing up for Gmail one day I was this:


Now this looks like the standard form to you but look a little closer and you will see something that could get you into trouble if your signing up from work or at school.


The word aphs*it appeared and I just thought it would be interesting if I blog-ed about it. So you see anything that's randomly generated however great and snazzy it can be, is always aphs*it at some point, in fact that would can be my new put-down, now just when to use it...

Gears of War Car Glitch - Act 2

So I was playing Gears of War, on Live against xBBSx SNIPER 93
When I got to the bit in Act 2 where you have this chain gun and a tonne of enemies, and you go down to this car bit, and normally you would be able to push this car across the road...but now its acting all weird...just watch the video.

How I Hacked Your LinkSys Router

I was looking around the internet for now to change my NAT address to Open and I found this interesting story, check this out.

Written by ShandeyKing (check out SK's blog)

Months ago I hijacked my neighbours LinkSys Wireless Router, reconfigured it by calling it my own and blocked all other users from using it except myself.

Am I a hacking genius? Do I have mad skills which allow me to read streams of code on a monitor as we saw in the movie “The Matrix”? Perhaps I am some 14 year old malicious kid pounding away on my keyboard with Cheese Puff stained fingers!

Not quite! What I am is a computer user who went to Best Buy, like you probably did and picked up a new LinkSys Wireless Router because my old one died.

I plugged in the new wireless router and used my wireless XP computer to automatically connect me to the default “linksys” router. Being the security conscience person that I am as soon as I was connected I went ahead and personalized the router.

I started by renaming the router from “linksys” to a more personalized name. I turned off SSID broadcasting and ensured I turned on wireless encryption. I even went to the point where I turned on MAC filtering and personalized the router just for my MAC addresses.

Over the past few months the router would seem to go off and on at odd times but I would say I had 95% uptime with a solid internet connection. As I have 3 wireless computers, a Wireless Tivo and an Xbox 360 all using my personalized wireless connection I never gave my network a second thought.

Early this morning I needed to add a new computer to the network. This time the computer was hard-wired via an Ethernet cable directly to my LinkSys router. I literally plugged the computer into the router and right away I had an Internet connection.

What I wanted to do was share-out my drives so the new computer could read data off of other computers on the network but for the life of me I could not figure out why the new computer on the network could not see any of my other computers.

All the other computers could see each other just fine and sharing has never been a problem with me in the past. I checked to see if they were all on the same IP block and that nothing was causing conflict.

Since I only setup MAC Filtering for Wireless I did not think I needed to do anything special with the new computer.

Either way, I decided to log into the LinkSys administrative screen using my existing wireless laptop. With my web browser I typed in the default Gateway IP address (192.168.1.1) that took me to the LinkSys login. I typed in my username and super strength password which then took me to the configuration screens that I had not seen since I setup the router for the first time.

I looked around, clicking away at all the options and I could not see where I was going wrong. Then I started to get a hunch. I clicked my way over to the DHCP Client Table list and took a look at all the IP addresses. It became clear to me my new computer was not on the same network as all the other computers in the house.

So what gives?

Using my new computer I popped open the browser and typed in the default gateway as I had done before. I was taken to the same LinkSys login page but this time when I typed in my username and my super strength password it would not authenticate me.

Just to make sure I was not losing my mind I re-entered the password several times. I even looked at the Ethernet cable on my floor and followed both ends of the wire. I was sure the new computer was plugged into my router.

On my laptop I could log-in to the router using the same IP but with the PC that is hardwired to the router I was getting an authentication screen but could not log in.

It then dawned on me; my Laptops are not wirelessly connected to my router. I must be connecting to another router and if this is the case I must have hijacked someone else’s router and configured it as my own.

To confirm this, I typed in the default username and password that comes with LinkSys using my hardwired PC and I immediately authenticated. It turned out I was right, unintentionally several months ago I had taken over someone else’s router and locked it down.

Considering I had locked this other router down so tight and that there was no way anyone could connect wirelessly I wondered why this person never took the router off line.

Then I realized it was possible he could be connecting using an Ethernet and if he did that it was possible he could see any of my shared files on the network.

I got that panic feeling where I realized I had just left the front door open to all my files for several months. So just to make sure, I went back to the DCHP Client Table on this person’s router and looked for any extra devices apart from my Tivo Wireless, Xbox and laptops.

As it turned out the only devices connected to the network were my own. Phew, what a relief! It appeared I was the only person using that router.

Going back to the question as to why that person never shutdown his router if they could not use it I realized that if I got confused as to whose router I was using, perhaps this person was confused as well.

Using my new computer which is physically connected to my real router I took a look at the DHCP Client Table. It turned out that this person had been using my router.

Hey what a jerk, he’s hijacking my router!

Sine my router has been sitting here pretty much un-configured out of the box, I found that a few of my neighbours took some interest and have been using my wireless router for their wireless internet access as well.

Looking at the DHCP Table, it appeared I was serving up quite a few of my neighbours with free wireless access.

I spent another 30 minutes doing some quick housekeeping work. I released control of his router by setting it back to the default settings. I then regained control of my router and booted everyone off and in the end I was able to view the new computer on my network.

Moral of this story, in a world where we all shop at the same stores and buy the same wireless equipment it is very easy to unintentionally hijack someone’s wireless connection. Thus, peoples files are not as safe as they think they are!

Episode 20: John vs. Sllimy

Scott Mills with his Phonebook Game, Sarcastic Gamer with a double bill of gaming song, and Martin Mills & Olly Newport for your weekly does of OMRpodcast. With special guest John Harding...and a bit of Olly Ray being told off by his mum!

MP3 Download

Free XBOX Live...

Ok, well after finding this on the Burger King website I thought I would give it a try, and after the 2 days I though, lets enter again. But to my dismay it said that I can enter again, and this is even with a new e-mail. So after deleting all my cookies and intertube history, it worked... 2 days later and I enter again. And so it's a cycle of doom.

So I just spammed the site to death today, and got around 3 months of Live...for free! Make sure you get all the codes that you can, because this I think is limited.

Oh and here for no reason at all is some hindi: ये फ़ॉर हिंदी ऎंड इत इस सो ग्रेट या या या लोल!!!

Kittens and Halo

Taken from SarcasticGamer.com

by Matt 'Volkov' Schmidt

The gaming community was set ablaze for Master Chief & Co. last week, making all the little girls and boys happy for the third time in their seemingly miserable lives. But now, it’s time to shut up. The spotlight must be burning holes in your retinas.

In order to achieve this goal, I’ve had a heart to heart with the big man upstairs, and we came up with a solution. You may not agree with it. You may even think it’s disgusting and cruel. But it’s the best thing for all of us in this global society.

Action	Reaction
Individual mentions Halo	God kills a kitten
Press mentions Halo	God kills three kittens
Gameplay video released	God kills three kittens, then grinds their bones to make his bread
Sponsored tournament announced	God runs a kitten down a cheese grater
New Halo advertisement	God skins a kitten alive, then sells its organs on the kitty black market, making a healthy profit
New Halo-themed Xbox peripheral	God hangs a kitten with its own tail, stuffs it with candy, and then leaves it on a party store shelf
Halo 4 Announced	God just gives up on humankind and switches to a better hobby

Belgium, Ebay and Things...

I don't know if I covered this or not but I don't think I did, ok this might be old news but now I have found the image.

BELGIUM WAS SOLD ON EBAY!

Yes, I said it, and it was sold on Ebay, so here is the image if you don't believe me:

Taken from BlogNation:

But some people don’t lose their sense of humour over it. Take ‘dekaesstecker’ for example. He (or she) has put Belgium up for sale on eBay. Opening price was only € 1, but the current bid amounts to € 10 million euro, almost € 1 per inhabitant.

Ohh and pinch punch first of the month, no returns.

Google Translations Sucks

Hey there, well the reason for this post is because a school in Arizona, USA has got this new thing that will tell who you are even without using your name, so how do you do that. Basically it takes some text from something you have written and it stores it, and when you write something again, as this AI scowers the interweb it will find that text, and even without name it can tell exactly who you are...

So the reason for this technology is because it would be used to track down terrorists and boot them off to Quantanimo Bay or somewhere. But you say 'AHA, but what if I change the style of my writing... well yes and no, it is really quite hard to do that because it takes all the ways you use sentence structure and stuff like that.

But I figured that it's probably not that hard to do, and you know what it only takes 2 clicks.

GOOGLE TRANSLATIONS!!!!?!

As Google LOVE to make me fail at French homework I'm going to run this post through google translations in French, and then from French, back into English.

----> Translated from English to French and back to English <-------------
Hé there, well the reason of this post is because a school in Arizona, the United States has this new thing which will indicate which you are even without employing your name, thus how you do that. Basically it takes a certain text of something which you wrote and it stores it, and when you still write something, as scowers of this AI the interweb it will find this text, and even without name it can indicate exactly which you are…

Thus the reason of this technology is because it would be employed to detect terrorists and to initialize them with far with the compartment from Quantanimo or some share. But you say 'AHA, but what if I change the model of my yes and good No of writing…, it is really completely difficult to make that because it takes all manners you employ the structure and the substance of the sentence like that.

But I appeared that it is probably not that hard to make, and you know what it is necessary only for 2 clicks.

TRANSLATIONS OF GOOGLE! ! ! ! ? !

As the LOVE of Google to ruin to me it French work I will run this post by translations of French google, and then of French, again in English.
--------------------------

And there we go, recognisable but...no.

My best ven vreeding vru ver tevxs is 'AHA, but what if I change the model of my yes and good No of writing…'

Halo 3 OUT!

Ok, now who agrees with me, but this is really sad, weird of just, just, just...urmm I don't know!

So, America as normal get the games first, or Japan, or any other continent, like Zog, the Europia on the downhand doesn't get many good things first... but enough of me ranting on at Americas.

I will get Halo 3 when it comes, and it is a huge excuse for me to get my XBOX Live membership, and pay for the bloody thing, Halo come's onto England @ 29th September.

Next up is CoD4